Life and Cake: A Guide to Resilience and Becoming Unbreakable.

Cake Theory:

No analogy is perfect, but here we go anyway :)

Imagine that we are all bakers and we’re each baking a cake.

The cake is an analogy for your life, and just like a cake, your life is not instantly created. It is made from your time, experiences, effort, energy, and the choices you make. In this analogy, it takes time to collect the cake’s ingredients, mix, bake, and decorate.

A cake needs a baker to create it, so in this analogy, the baker is you, and the cake is your life.

In life, some bakers have access to amazing ingredients, the best kitchens and technologies, and books and assistance.

Yet, other people are not so fortunate and only have access to limited ingredients or terrible facilities, or have little to no assistance. This might seem unfair, and it is, but for now it doesn’t matter, because you’ve got work to do. You must create your life, and make the best cake you can with what you have.

A cake requires specific ingredients to create the batter, impart its flavour, rise, and set. It also has icing, toppings, and decoration.

So, imagine mixing the cake batter with flour, eggs, butter, baking powder, and other ingredients. You bake it, it cools, and sets. And for this analogy, it is a good cake, maybe even a great cake.

And here is the problem... imagine the flour, like magic, just disappears from your already baked cake. Well, if this happened, the cake would collapse on itself.

If this happened, the baker would have to abandon the cake and start from scratch.

For this reason, we cannot make our cake/life out of anything that can be taken away from us. If we do make a life out of these things, then it will collapse sooner or later.

These things include our friends, family, pets, colleagues, or anyone, for that matter.

This can be really hard for anyone who has children, but for this analogy, it still holds true.

I have had clients and friends who have had this problem. Generally with their partner. They made their wife or husband a primary ingredient in their life/cake, and that relationship might end, their partner might leave them, or worse, their partner dies. And when that happened, their life crumbled and collapsed, like the flour magically being ripped from a cake.

I’ve seen people’s lives collapse from other things as well. From them losing their career (e.g. a pilot who is no longer able to fly). Or a person of faith losing their religion (e.g. being excommunicated from the church, or losing their community). This collapse can come from lots of things.

These people can often fall into crisis when this collapse happens. They literally feel like their life is falling apart. They can feel hopeless, useless, despair, or question the meaning of their life.

Therefore, the secret to not letting your life collapse is to make your cake/life from things that cannot be taken from you.

Additionally, the other things in your life are the toppings and decorations to your life/cake. These are the things that can be taken away or lost.

Cake/your life:

• Philosophies - how you live your life, your values, morality, how you give meaning to things, etc.

• Self-development

• Passions and interests

• Education, training, & knowledge

• Your causes (e.g. charity, mental health, politics, etc)

• Career - but moreso as an interest (e.g. aeronautics, engineering, sports, etc)

• Artistic pursuits (e.g. visual art, performing art, literary arts, etc)

• Health & wellbeing - but not the things that you don’t have control over.

• Achievements and experiences - it cannot be taken away from you if it has already been done.

Toppings/additions to life:

• Possession

• Friends & family

• Romantic partners

• Your specific job – most careers end, or people retire

• Wealth & money

• Non-permanent titles (ranks, titles like CEO or chairperson, licenses, etc.)

• Pets

• Current situations (e.g. housing, marital status, physical capability, etc.)

The cake must be made from foundational items, things that can’t be taken away within reason, and will be with you or part of you until the end.

The toppings definitely make my life better, easier, or more enjoyable. But you and your life should be fine and stand strong without those things.

Your partner should be amazing, they should be the double chocolate frosting on top of your cake, but the relationship ends, or worse, they could die.

The cake, unfortunately, would lose this frosting, but its structure would still stand.

Yes, your cake was far better with the frosting, and it made every slice better, but the cake is still great without it, and more importantly, it doesn’t collapse without it.

This is what we must all do: make ourselves and our lives something amazing. Something that can stand strong on its own.

It isn’t about not caring if we lose friends or a partner; we can feel sad and grieve. However, we should stand strong in who we are in ourselves, our character, what we do, and in our lives.

The concept of Life and Cake is not meant to be mastered instantly; it is a life philosophy that can be implemented daily, weekly, and throughout our lives.

If you resonated with this Article, then perhaps you would benefit from writing up all the different areas/parts of your life, including things you want for your life. You could use the above categories of ‘cake and topping’. 

If you enjoyed this article, then please share.

As always, I appreciate those who take the time to read my work.

Thank you

Evan J Haines    

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